Goat Milking
by dwellingonephemeraldreams
Summary: Oneshot. James Potter proposes to Lily Evans, but she doesn't know how to milk a goat.


"Will you marry me?"

"But I don't know how to milk a goat!"

Hours later, Lily Evans would look back and realise that this confession was, in fact, completely inappropriate as a response to a marriage proposal. In her defence, she was uncharacteristically caught off guard by the black-haired boy sitting in front of her. It was a day before their graduation from Hogwarts, and Lily had convinced her boyfriend, or, as she liked to call him, her inamorato, that it was a good idea to head down to their favourite tree down by the lake and just… stay there. It was their second to last day, after all. As it turned out, James Potter had also decided that it was a good idea to finally show Lily the emerald-encrusted white gold ring he had had in his pocket for months now. It was a ring perfect for Lily. It was beautiful, but it was neither flashy nor gaudy. It had the kind of beauty that was effortless yet grabbed attention right away, and James thought it would bring out the emerald in her eyes.

"Love, forgive me if I sound incredulous, but what the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know how to milk a goat."

"Will you marry me anyway?"

"But your father will make you marry someone else."

Days later, Lily Evans would realise that nothing, not even if she was half-troll, would make William Potter stop his son from marrying her because he would tell her, days later, that "_I never thought I'd see James look at a girl the way I look at Katharine… but then he brought you home to meet us." _William Potter treated her like the daughter he never had, and she knew that he knew James loved her, and that she loved James.

"Because you don't know how to milk a goat."

"Precisely for that reason, yes, and… will you stop laughing at me?"

"Lily, _why _exactly do you think that my father will reject you for your lack of goat-milking abilities?"

"I read a Muggle fairy tale story once… there was this bloke and he fancied this girl, but she didn't know how to cook or clean or how to milk a goat, so his dad discouraged him from marrying her, and then-"

"Apart from an appalling inability to cook, clean, or milk a goat, was this girl also amazingly brilliant at everything she does, with a quick wit and, if I must admit, decent looks? Because any bloke's father that discourages him from marrying _that _cannot be as smart as my father. Or anyone else's, for that matter."

"James, will you let me finish the story?"

"Please, continue with this enthralling tale of love, loss, and despair."

"Git. Anway, this bloke ignored his father and went off to find this… thing that will apparently make the girl fancy him back, but in his travels, he met this other girl that knew how to cook, clean, and milk a goat, so he realised he liked this other girl more, and ended up marrying her."

"This bloke has no consistency whatsoever. Lily, I promise that if you marry me, I will be considerably less fickle than this bloke, and-"

"But I don't know how to milk a goat! Or cook, or stitch clothes, or anything useful! I'm… I'm not as good as you seem to think I am, and I'm Muggle-born and you're a pureblood, and this will make you a target for… for Voldemort, and you just deserve so much more than… Oh, Merlin, what if a relative of yours starts a protest at the wedding, and it turns out to be a disaster?"

Months later, Lily would realise that the wedding can be classified as anything but a disaster, not when the backyard of the Potters' massive mansion was decorated with softly glowing tulips and James was waiting at the end of that exquisite, deep red carpet. She would be holding on to her father's arm, and Francis Evans would look at her with the mixed joy and sadness every father feels at his daughter's wedding. Olivia Evans would be dabbing her green eyes with a small piece of cloth, happy for Lily, but equally as distressed that her other daughter was absent. Lily was very much aware of Petunia's refusal to attend, but nothing could have ruined that day for her. No, not when James was at the end of the makeshift aisle, nervously playing with his hands in an effort not to run them through his hair while Sirius tried to comfort him with claps on the back.

"So there _will_ be a wedding?"

"Didn't you hear what I just said? You'll be in danger if you marry me, and we'll be resigned to buying food off restaurants, and you deserve better than that."

"You're right; I definitely need someone who can milk a goat. I mean, who's to say I won't just wake up one day with an intense craving for goat milk and completely regret marrying a woman who can't get me some? I can't believe I didn't think of this before."

"Prat. Stop belittling my insecurities. I don't even know why that fairy tale was the first thing that popped into my head."

"I don't think such a thing as 'better than Lily Evans' exists, but hypothetically speaking, if there were such a girl, I'd still want to marry you. Because I'm James, and you're Lily, and James and Lily sounds so much better than James and Goat-Milker. And- ow! Can you let me finish my point before you hit me, Evans? Anyway, you've been rejecting me since fourth year, and after two years of rejection, I thought it would be possible to find that elusive creature that's apparently better than Lily Evans. Needless to say, I failed. Maybe I did find her, but you see, my inamorata, you are very, very memorable, and by that time, I'd already decided that I'm in love with you. Yes, Evans, I am in love with you, even though you cannot cook or milk goats. I think it might have something to do with you being what my idea of perfection is, although Sirius reckons it's love potion. I don't care what Voldemort will do to me, because I'm in love with you. The point is, Lily, I'm in love with you, and I'd very much appreciate it if you would agree to spend the rest of your life with me. And I'm in love with you."

"You're being extremely unwise. But I love you. And I love the idea of spending the rest of my life with you. I don't know why I was protesting before, because dear Merlin, I really don't want to marry anyone else."

"That's a relief to know. So, will you marry me?"

"Yes, that'd be nice."

"Cheers, Evans, we're engaged. We should probably go tell the people we call friends."

"We probably should… or we could stay here and celebrate the fact that we're engaged."

"That sounds a lot more appealing than chit-chatting with Sirius. Come over here, fiancé, you're thirty centimetres too far away."

Years later, Lily would realise that she never did learn how to milk a goat. Olivia Evans would attempt to teach her how to cook, but that resulted in the kitchen almost being burned down, so neither mother nor daughter ever tried a lesson ever again. James would have to live on food from the Leaky Cauldron and the food Mrs Potter and Mrs Evans would occasionally send them. She would also realise that James simply did not care, because years later, he would still be in love with her and she would still be in love with him.

That didn't stop Lily Evans from going to a Muggle goat farm while James was out with the Marauders, though.

**OoOoOoOoOoO**

**I actually have read the fairy tale that Lily tells in the story, but I cannot remember what it's called, and I'd really like to read it again. Maybe one of you lovely people knows what it is? If so, do tell me, I implore you. **

**Thanks for reading! **


End file.
